Walk into the restaurant and wait for the smiling waiter to show you to a seat. You’ll be given tea immediately, and it will be fine; already you’re getting a better experience than you do in the average American restaurant, at least if you appreciate good tea. Now cross your fingers! If you’re lucky, the guidebook wasn’t lying when it said this restaurant would bring you an English menu, and you’re home free.
You were lucky! Let’s see, that dish with buckwheat noodles and assorted seafood sounds appetizing. Let’s point at that. The waiter, by way of confirmation, says something which sounds like it’s very likely what you wanted, so you smile and nod and he smiles and bows and you sip your tea while you wait for your food.
It also might be a good idea, while you’re waiting, to start looking around at other diners to get some ideas how you might be supposed to eat your food once it’s arrived. Is anyone eating something that looks like it might be what you ordered? What part are they eating first? Do you dip the food in the sauce or pour the sauce over the food? What’s actually inside that jar on the table? Is anyone using it for anything, or is it just a decoration? Uh oh, too late: your food is here! Am I supposed to eat the green stuff? Why is there no napkin? What do I do when I drop a piece? Is this thing a fish or a vegetable? Wait—am I supposed to eat the shrimp’s face? What’s everyone else doing? Has anyone touched that jar yet?
Well, you’ve managed to eat the whole thing, and it’s lucky that it was delicious because otherwise it would have been intolerable. It was delicious, though. But you’re not quite done! Now you have to pay. You have utterly no hope of reading the bill, so just bring it up to the cashier who, although he prefers not to speak English, will happily ring you up on the register, point to the glowing numbers, and smile and wait while you fumble with coins. Maybe he’ll helpfully tell you the denomination of the coin that doesn’t have Arabic numerals on it.
Congratulations! You’ve just eaten out in Japan! Don’t you wish you could do this more often?